We've been here now for three years and one day.
Three years.
We've slowly eased our way into the category of expats who have been here a while. I mean, it's not that long, but most people stay here for under three years. Besides, we'll still be here for a few years yet.
It's been a long, arduous, difficult at times three years. The rewards seem few in comparison to the work. Few, but very precious. And totally worth it. I wouldn't change the last three years, despite the rocky uphill climb. I wouldn't change it for the changes I've seen.
Nevertheless it's taken a whole three years for God to finally get through to my numbskull of a brain, that I've left. Not that I've left family and friends, my culture and the way of life as I know it, comforts, food, hobbies. No I've known for a long time that I've left and in some ways lost those things.
I've finally realised that I've left my fields.
You see as a missionary, I'm a "volunteer". I would hate to consider myself as employed - because that would make me being paid grossly under the minimum wage. I'm a volunteer. We get enough money to cover our needs and we are very grateful for that. We are so thankful to God for his provision - even a volunteer provision, because it's his hand that multiplies the fish and bread we hold in our hands. And our volunteer provision reminds us of the people who love and support us back home and sacrificially give so that we can continue to serve God here on this field.
Nevertheless, it's been a mind battle for me the last few years - I work hard, harder than I've ever worked before in my life, yet it doesn't show in my paycheque. The director used to joke that he'd half my pay. Ha ha. You can't half zero. I told him I'd double his if he did an errand for me in town. Which he did, and I doubled his pay too. Still zero.
We have food to eat and enough food to share. We can buy clothes at the second hand clothing stores here (which I must say, people go to exotic places to buy clothes - honestly, you don't need to go further than the bale shops in honiara!); we save up for our twice a year weekends away. But it bothers me that I can't have long term saving goals. I can't work extra hard, scrimp here and there and wahlah, we can knock something off our mortgage, or buy that new electronic device we've been eyeing up for ever so long, or buy a pair of shoes. And then there's the problem of toys and books, or even just presents for Theresa (ok, it was nice not having any presents at Christmas time, but her adoption day is literally around the corner.) Anything of quality that I want to buy needs to be purchased overseas, but obviously, I'm not overseas. (Insert a comment here - writing this is really boring. It feels like I'm complaining, which I'm not really, it's all part of a long convoluted story (my signature style, as always). Believe me - there is a point to this). I remember someone once saying she always wanted to have matching underwear so that if she was in a car accident she wouldn't be embarrassed when they had to cut her clothes off. Believe me, matching underwear is the lest of my underwear problems. (ok, this is just getting crazy).
I think you get the point. Being on a volunteer allowance is wonderful for growing your trust in God for everything and seeing how simply you can live life. But it's not so wonderful when you're part of a material culture thats on high speed to get more stuff. better stuff. or just stuff that you like and need.
And then I read again the verse in the Bible, I stumbled upon it. Matthew 19:29. When I read this verse, a dear friend of mine comes up. She's a missionary here - she's single, she's given up the comforts of life back home, she works so flippin hard. Maybe coming here has closed the door on possible relationships for her. She gives tirelessly to the poor, the downtrodden, the prostitutes, who are scorned, the illiterate, and gives them hope, the hope that comes from having the word of God and being able to read it. She is amazing. She is the most effective missionary I have ever met in my entire life. I wish I could be like her. And she embodies this verse. She has left her family. She has left her home. She has left behind the possibility of marriage and a family of her own. She has left behind her job. She has left behind her life. To serve God here. Wow. She is the person in Matthew 19:29. And one day she will receive a hundred times what she has given up. And I am so happy that God will give that to her for her sacrificial service in love for him.
I mean, I left my family, but hey, I had Jair. And now God increased our family - now we are three.
But as I read it again I stumbled upon one further clause. Leaving fields. This list of things people leave for God includes leaving fields. "Everyone who has left... fields for my sake will receive a hundred times as much..." Hang on, I'm in here too. I have left my field. As in what earns me money, what helps me to survive and prosper and make a living and gain satisfaction and sit back at the end of the week with a beer in my hand (a beer? did I say that?) and say, "aah. Another day, another dollar." I have left that. I left it three years ago. It's ironic in a way that with my qualifications I could walk into any school here and get a job. Heck I could probably walk into the international school and get a job. A well paying job. And get remunerated for my hard work. But actually, I realised the other day (see I told you I was a numbskull) I have left my fields, for the sake of serving God.
Now probably at this point, you're thinking I'm boasting. Honestly, I'm only boasting in God that somehow he's managed to get that point across to me, through that numbskull head of mine. You've left your fields for me Lauretta? Great. Now let's get over that, don't get your knickers in a knot (as my friend Jasmine would say) and get over the hardships that leaving your fields might bring, and focus on the task at hand. Namely, the task he's doing in my heart. Get over it. You've left your fields. I mean, look at the fields - or rather, oh boy, how do you describe it. Look at what Christ left for me. How could I ever look back? See what I mean. There's nothing to boast about in me. It's all Jesus. All Jesus.
But I must say, now that I've realised that I've left my fields, it's easier to accept things. Now there's a reason for not eating chocolate. Now there's a reason why I can't have feta cheese when I want it. Now there's a reason I get nits when I go to a village. It has hallowed my underwear (excuse the pun). Now there's a reason I own no whiteware - including the dress. Now there's a reason I don't even have a beloved piano. It's all for Jesus. It's for Jesus' sake. And that's the sweetest reason to do anything.
Let that reason motivate me.
Let that reason motivate you.
I'm not the only one who has left my fields. Some of you have too. I have the deepest respect for my brother-in-law who chose not to take a certain good job in order that he could take a different not-as-good job. For the sake of Jesus. For the sake of having the time to be a loving husband, a devoted dad, a servant in his church. I deeply respect his choice to leave his field for the sake of Jesus and I pray that God would bless him for that.
I deeply respect my sister - and all those other Godly women I know - who have left their fields. Who have left their fields and the satisfaction that paid employment, adult conversation, accomplishing things that have significance brings. I mean really, sometimes it's hard to see the significance in wiping babies bottoms. Or spending 25 minutes getting your toddler's (or barbarian as my friends and fellow mums here like to call them) teeth brushed, dry caked on weetbix chin clean, hair brushed, clothes on, new clothes on because they wet their undies and they're still getting the hang of this whole potty thing, socks on, and shoes on, yes both socks on. Different feet, and bag packed and somehow out the door. There's very little uplifting and inspiring about sitting around hearing the same childish stories all day. No wonder so many mums are frazzled, starved for contact with adults who can move beyond topics like the sandpit, potties, more chocolate please, and hop on pop. And I know women who've given up good jobs, satisfying jobs, lucrative fields, the feeling of importance and professionalism and the money all those things bring for the sake of Jesus.
They could earn more than they are now, and pay the nanny, or at least day care and have someone else worry about the bottoms and the socks and the sandpits. Then they could have whatever they want. But instead, they've left their fields, the career, the money, the satisfaction, for the sake of Jesus. For the sake of the future. To raise children who are going to be strong lights in a dark, dark world.
Leaving your fields means sacrifice. But don't think you have to go on the mission field to leave your field. We have many fields. Which do you need to leave for the sake of Jesus? Because Jesus left a hang of a lot more than our measly fields for us.
